When Your Partner is Not Interested in Sex

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Every now and then, for no visible reason at all, you or your partner could lose interest in sex. Find out the reasons behind why your partner is not interested in sex, and what you can do about it.

Click here to read the first four reasons behind why partners don’t want to have sex anymore, and how you can handle it.

My partner is not interested in sex

How many times have we heard that line, and how many times have we wondered how that could ever happen? But it does, and it happens very often.

Are you dealing with the same issue now?

As the relationship progresses, the libido of both partners start to change over time.

And in most cases, the change isn’t really similar. One partner may start to lose interest in sex, while the other partner may want more sex.

Here are a few reasons why a partner may not be interested in having sex.

#5 Too tired for sex

Your partner and you may be sexually attracted to each other. But at times, work pressure and stress at work can make one of you distracted and lose interest in sex. Or even if you have sex, you may not really enjoy it enough, or you may end up not performing to your best which can lead to more frustrations. [Read: Tips on turning a guy on]

What starts off as one round of bad sex can make one of you shrink away from sex further and further until you’re just not interested in sex anymore. This is especially true for men because a lot depends on how hard he can be. If he finds his little buddy bowing down in shame halfway through the deed, he’d start to avoid sex as much as he possibly can. [Read: How to have sensuous sex]

When you’re going through this phase, avoid sex for a few weeks, and just focus on foreplay. Make it clear that both of you aren’t going to have sex for a couple of weeks. Don’t set a precise deadline. That can be even more stressful! Just cuddle and kiss, and spend a lot of time together in the bathtub or in bed, just warming each other up. Soon enough, the humble little guy would be upright and waiting for a standing ovation! [Read: Happy ending massage]

#6 Too busy with something else

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One of you love gardening or spending hours on the Xbox? Sometimes, even watching a few great shows on the television back to back every night can lead to boring sex lives. You could be having so much fun watching a movie every night that both of you might just give up on sex.

If you’re experiencing this, it doesn’t mean you’re not sexually excited by each other. It’s just that you’ve decided to give up on together time. And when you start doing this for a couple of weeks, it would go on the same way forever. We love routine, and it’s pretty hard to change something once we get comfortable with it.

To make sure this doesn’t affect your sex life in future, get into bed an hour earlier or spend at least an hour every evening cuddling up with the TV turned off once you’re done with the shows. It may seem quite boring at first, but you’ll see what cuddle time can lead to! [Read: Tantric sex]

#7 Just not into sex

Yeah, for all your horny lovers out there, this sucks, but it’s true. Some partners just aren’t into sex. You may love making love to the computer or you may end up using a toy to pleasure up, but the whole act of sex could seem distasteful to your partner.

If all the earlier tips fail, then perhaps, it’s time you have a heart to heart talk with your partner. Sometimes, it could be a childhood trauma, hormonal imbalances or even a medical condition. In almost all cases, this is curable with a little effort.

Many people put a lot of emphasis on sex and copulation. And that can put off a partner. Sex is a lot of fun, but that doesn’t mean foreplay can’t be fun. You could just cuddle up, talk dirty, fantasize, role play, explore a few sexual fetishes, or do just about anything else we’ve mentioned here, and stop putting the focus on sex. If your partner doesn’t even like to kiss, then well, stay away from physically touching them and just talk. Ask your partner if they like talking about it. Surely, there’s bound to be something that could interest your partner. In most cases, they may have a few sexual desires and may be too afraid to reveal it. 

Or on the other hand, it could be a serious traumatic issue or a medical condition. If that’s the case, then obviously, both of you could take the help of therapy or counseling.

Why do partners lose interest in sex?

The reasons could be many as long as it’s not a medical condition, as we’ve pointed out in the introduction and in the points here. But putting medical and hormonal reasons aside, here’s one theory that the Lovepanky team has tested, and it could surprise you.

If you and your partner share very different lifestyles, and if one of you meet and interact with a lot of people, while the other partner is more of a quiet loner, there’s a huge chance that both your libidos are going to start changing with time. And the worst part, it will change in opposite directions.

The partner that interacts with very few people will start to lose their libido, while the partner who interacts with a lot of people and meets new friends often will retain their libido, or even see a surge in their sexual energy.

If evolution has taught us anything, we should know that the main *job* of humans is to procreate and produce more humans. But if you’re going to spend a major part of your life alone or with minimum interaction with other members of the opposite sex, there’s really no need for your body to invest in sexual energy that has to be wasted on useless libido. Instead, you body might as well use it on something else.

Confused? Well, ostriches have wings but they can’t really use them to fly, can they? If that can be evolution’s work, libido can work through the same cycle too!

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How to increase your partner’s libido

Your partner may just not be interested in sex at times. In such cases, you need to help your partner understand that sex is just as natural as eating or breathing. It’s one of the necessities of life. Spend more time going out and socializing with others. Meet your friends at parties, or go on a vacation with another couple that you know enjoys a great sex life. 

Sometimes, as humans, we need to watch someone else take the plunge off the diving board before we try something ourselves.

If your partner isn’t interested in sex, introduce your lover to other people who glorify sex. Of course, don’t reveal your intention straight away. Sometimes, even a bit of PDA and kisses on a dance floor could excite your partner. Help your partner explore the possibilities of sexual arousal and show them how enjoyable it can be. And soon enough, your partner would be able to express themselves and enjoy a better, happier sex life. 

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When your partner is not interested in sex, don’t get frustrated. Instead, hold each other’s hands and explore the many paths of sexual arousal. It can be exciting and fun, and somewhere along the way, we’re pretty sure your partner will like something too!